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English
IELTS writing Task 2: Corrected student’s work
Topic:
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words.
Write about the following topic:
Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people’s lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Students response:
For me it’s a have a two sides that other people having a influence from others for example, others don’t even know who they are and don’t know how to show others who they actually are because of they don’t have any taste for themselves so the positive side being influenced by others is the person can experience a lot of things and can find who they are actually. However, the negative thing is a it can be affect too much for example they might be lose themselves if they don’t have any limits for something it can be happen something bad
Fashion is a kind of thing you can show others who you are everyone have a different taste and different world the interest the person have is lead them to other ways and can meet them a lot of people
I have an experience of this I know a one friend who is don’t have any taste for themselves and copy everything of others it’s a kind of bad thing that could happen to them what if she have to do the thing she doesn’t want to for example in USA they have a some people who named themselves hoods they do drug deal and doing some illegal things for fun and when the person who is don’t have any taste for themselves they can be bad influenced by them and do the thing they don’t want to
At the end im trying to say that every different style have a different world and the worlds have a different types of people the style fashion you choose you will meet the person who can lead you into good or bad things so being influenced by a global fashion trends are have a two sides it’s a not aa good or bad thing it’s a balanced thing.
Improved version 6.5: Corrected IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay
Essay:
In my opinion, being influenced by others has two sides. On one hand, some people lose their individuality because they follow others too much. They do not really know who they are or how to express themselves, since they only copy other people’s styles or tastes.
On the other hand, being influenced by others can also have a positive impact. For example, people can experience new things, learn from different cultures, and eventually discover their own identity through trying various styles.
Fashion is one way people express who they are. Everyone has different tastes and interests, and fashion can connect people with similar passions. Through fashion, people can also meet others and build new relationships.
I have personally seen both sides of this. I know a friend who doesn’t have any personal style and copies everything from others. This can be dangerous because such people might be influenced by the wrong group. For instance, in the USA, there are some groups who call themselves “hoods” and get involved in illegal activities like drug dealing. A person without their own sense of identity could easily be led into such negative behaviour.
In conclusion, global fashion trends have both positive and negative effects. The style we choose can introduce us to good or bad influences. Therefore, being influenced by global fashion is not entirely good or bad—it is a balanced thing that depends on how people handle it.
✏️ Notes for Teaching / Learning:
| Original Problem | Corrected Example | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “It’s a have a two sides” | “It has two sides” | Grammar and clarity |
| “Others don’t even know who they are” | Kept similar – good idea | Strong point; just fix structure |
| “Can be affect too much” | “Can be affected too much” | Verb form correction |
| “They might be lose themselves” | “They might lose themselves” | Grammar fix |
| “I know a one friend who is don’t have…” | “I know a friend who doesn’t have…” | Simplify and correct verb |
| “It’s a not aa good or bad thing” | “It is not entirely good or bad” | Natural phrasing |
Improved version 7.5
Essay:
Nowadays, global fashion trends have a significant impact on people’s lifestyles and identities. In my view, this influence has both positive and negative aspects depending on how individuals respond to it.
On the positive side, following fashion trends allows people to explore different cultures and discover new aspects of their personality. Through experimenting with various styles, individuals can express themselves more confidently and even develop their own sense of identity. Fashion also helps people connect with others who share similar tastes and interests, building a sense of belonging and community.
However, there are also negative consequences. Some people become overly influenced by others and lose their originality. When individuals rely too much on copying what others wear or do, they may forget who they truly are. In extreme cases, they might even be drawn into harmful lifestyles just to fit in. For instance, I once had a friend who had no personal style and simply copied everyone around her. Because of that, she became easily influenced by the wrong group of people who engaged in unhealthy and even illegal activities.
In conclusion, global fashion trends bring both opportunities and risks. While they can inspire creativity and cultural exchange, they can also lead to a loss of individuality if people follow them blindly. Therefore, being influenced by fashion is neither completely good nor bad—it depends on how wisely people choose to express themselves through it.
💡 Teaching Notes (for IELTS Class Use)
| Feature | Example | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Advanced vocabulary | significant impact, originality, individuality, cultural exchange | Raises lexical resource score |
| Complex structures | “While they can inspire creativity…, they can also lead to a loss of individuality…” | Shows range of grammar |
| Cohesive devices | on the positive side / however / in conclusion | Improves coherence & cohesion |
| Balanced argument | Positive + Negative sides | Fits IELTS “discuss both” question type |
| Clear topic sentences | Each paragraph starts with a clear main idea | Good for task response |
side-by-side comparison between Band 6.5 → Band 7.5+
Comparison: Band 6.5 vs Band 7.5+
| Essay Part | Band 6.5 Version (Simpler) | Band 7.5–8 Version (Advanced) | Main Improvement / Teaching Point |
|---|---|---|---|
| Introduction | For me, being influenced by others has two sides. It can be both good and bad depending on how people take it. | Nowadays, global fashion trends have a significant impact on people’s lifestyles and identities. In my view, this influence has both positive and negative aspects depending on how individuals respond to it. | – Starts with a broader context (global fashion trends)- Uses academic tone and vocabulary (significant impact, identities)- Adds clear opinion |
| Body 1 (Positive side) | The positive side is that people can experience new things and learn who they are. Fashion helps people show who they are and meet others with the same taste. | On the positive side, following fashion trends allows people to explore different cultures and discover new aspects of their personality. Through experimenting with various styles, individuals can express themselves more confidently and even develop their own sense of identity. | – Uses stronger verbs (explore, express, develop)- Adds specific detail (cultures, personality)- Uses complex sentence structure |
| Body 2 (Negative side) | However, the negative thing is people can be too affected. They might lose themselves if they follow others too much. I know one friend who copies others and could be influenced by bad people. | However, there are also negative consequences. Some people become overly influenced by others and lose their originality. When individuals rely too much on copying what others wear or do, they may forget who they truly are. In extreme cases, they might even be drawn into harmful lifestyles just to fit in. | – Replaces “bad people” → “harmful lifestyles” (formal)- Adds cause–effect explanation– Shows range of structures |
| Example | I know a friend who doesn’t have any personal style and copies others. She might follow bad people who do illegal things. | For instance, I once had a friend who had no personal style and simply copied everyone around her. Because of that, she became easily influenced by the wrong group of people who engaged in unhealthy and even illegal activities. | – Adds cohesion (“because of that”)– Uses precise vocabulary (“engaged in”)- Expands the example naturally |
| Conclusion | At the end, I’m trying to say that fashion has two sides. The style you choose can lead you to good or bad things. | In conclusion, global fashion trends bring both opportunities and risks. While they can inspire creativity and cultural exchange, they can also lead to a loss of individuality if people follow them blindly. Therefore, being influenced by fashion is neither completely good nor bad—it depends on how wisely people choose to express themselves through it. | – Adds summary of both sides– Uses high-level cohesive device (“while they can… they can also…”)- Finishes with insightful statement |
🧠 Key Takeaways for Students
- ✅ Use formal, precise vocabulary (e.g., “influence,” “individuality,” “cultural exchange”)
- ✅ Develop each idea with examples or explanations, not just one sentence
- ✅ Use linking words correctly: on the other hand, for instance, in conclusion
- ✅ Avoid repetition (e.g., “good or bad” → “positive or negative / advantages and disadvantages”)
- ✅ End with a clear opinion or balanced view
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